Foo Words: War

War:
noun

1. A conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.
2. A state or period of armed hostility or active military operations.
3. A contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns: the War of 1812.
4. Active hostility or contention; conflict; contest: a war of words.
5. A struggle: a war for men's minds; a war against poverty.


For ex., FLR 4 wages war against Splinter and the Modest Mouse Brigade. Witness these series of events:

Setting: Chinatown, near Mott St., the smelliest and fishiest of all of Manhattan. The pungent aroma of discarded fish innards attracts and nurishes the most street hardened of ninja rodents.


Battle Scenes: FLR 4 Kitchen, Brian's room, FLR 4 Living Room,


Event 1: Initial Reconnaisance, April 2007. A single brown mouse makes an appearance. He is deemed "cute" and a "pet" by FLR 4.


Event 2: Inital Breakdown of FLR 4 Defenses, early June 2007. There is a washer and dryer on FLR 4. The washer, however, is routed to a bathroom. When dumping water, the washing machine overloads the bathroom drain pipe, pushing raw sewage back onto the bathroom floor. To fix this problem, the washer's drain pipe is rerouted to the main drain pipe in the kitchen.

In the process, the plumber removes the stove, cabinets, and kitchen sink, and pokes two large holes into the kitchen wall in search of said pipe. The kitchen is then reconstructed; the washing machine's drain pipe is routed behind the stove, through the cabinets, out a hole the kitchen wall, and into the main drain pipe.


Event 3: The Battle of the Sink Cabinet, mid June 2007 to early August 2007.

a. First Strike: Splinter. The two gaping holes allows rats to enter FLR 4. Initially, the residents of FLR 4 hear a loud scurrying noise under the kitchen sink, but do not think twice of it.

b. Red Alert, early July 2007. As the noises continue, Erik investigates. To his horror, he witnesses the longest of rat tails disappearing back into the kitchen wall. It is Splinter.

c. First Defense: Seal the Perimeter. Due to the well documented size, strength, dexterity, and ingenuity of Splinter, Brian fears he may eventually push through the cabinet door and enter the FLR 4 lair. Brian tapes the cabinet doors shut and posts a sign stating: "Splinter lives here! Do Not Open!!!"

d. Splinter Invades, late July 2007. Splinter is very clever and adaptable. Unbeknowst to FLR 4, there is a hole in the side of the cabinet that allows the washer's drain pipe to run behind the stove, into the cabinet and out the kitchen wall. Splinter discovers this break in the perimeter and pushes through. He begins scouting the kitchen and makes appearances late at night. Female residents of FLR 4 scream and shriek.

e. Second Defense: Brian and Erik brainstorm. The decision is made to attack the source of the perimeter breach and reclaim lost FLR 4 territory. Armed with a broom and knife, Brian and Erik announce their arrival by knocking loudly on the sink cabinet. Splinter retreats. Tape is removed. Cabinet doors open.

Using Ran's parting gift, the two stuff the gaping holes in the kitchen wall full of discarded clothing.

f. Final Defense, early August 2007: After much ballywho'd discussion and argument with FLR 4's management company, the plumber finally returns to FLR 4. Clothing is removed and metal plates are installed. Splinter is locked out.

FLR 4 wins.


Event 4. The Battle of the Radiator, late August 2007.

a. Territory Lost: Brian hears scurrying noises in his bedroom all summer. Yu Lien purchases sticky pad mouse traps late August 2007.

b. Instigating Behavior, Modest Moust Brigade: Brian does not have a dedicated trash can in his bedroom. He has, rather, a dedicated bag full of trash. Late one night he hears scurrying noises. He looks down and sees a Modest Mouse Brigade agent pock his head out from underneath the trash bag and retreat back into the darkness. Investing the trashbag, Brian sees many holes the mouse has already chewed.

c. First Attack, Brian: The trash bag sits between Brian's desk, his stairs to the fire escape, and in front of the radiator. He places a sticky trap in front of the radiator. Within 3 minutes he hears a mouse crying. Its hind legs are stuck while its front legs are scurrying with all its might to escape.

d. Disposal, Brian: Said mouse is thrown over the balcony.

e. Second Attack, Brian: 30 minutes later Brian hears more scurrying noises. Another sticky trap goes down. 5 minutes later another mouse goes over the balcony.

Brian Wins.


Event 5. The Battle of FLR 4, late September 2007 to late October 2007.

a. Territory Lost: The Modest Mouse Brigade likes to run the perimeter of the living behind the entertainment unit, the couches and into the kitchen, running behind the fridge, across the kitchen floor, under the stove and into the laundry closet. They run this circuit over and over. The issue is that mice are in heat once every three days. They are capable of producing a litter up to 5 pups up to 8 times a year. They know no bounds and are incestuous.

b. First Strike, FLR 4. Sticky pads are initially placed under the radiator in the living room, behind the couch, and behind the entertainment unit. No success.

c. Second Strike, FLR 4. Sticky pads are placed behind the fridge and in front of the stove. Mice are caught. Nick decides to step on one. Ran (visiting for a weekend) tries to free one and rips its legs off in the process. Mouse size: small.

d. Increased efforts, FLR 4. Sticky pads are upgraded to the large size. More mice are caught. Erik decides to crush one with a commercial size dolly. Megan screams. Erik is a casualty, being stuck himself to a sticky pad. Mouse size: small and large.

e. Final Strike, FLR 4. Another round of sticky pads are laid out. All mice caught are large and fat.

f. Clean Up Duty, FLR 4. Another round of sticky pads are laid out. No mice caught.

FLR 4 Wins.


FLR 4 waged war with and defeated Splinter and the Modest Mouse Brigade.